Through all the heartache, the tears, and the trembling of my fatigued body, I found my peace in God. I cried out to Him on my knees day and night. I begged Him to help me. I begged Him to mold and shape me. Matthew 5:4 says “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Despite the pain of a broken heart, I was indeed comforted. God’s people showered me with love in all directions. Greencastle Christian Church, a church I didn’t start attending until the Sunday after Kari’s funeral, cooked us meals, mowed our grass, and provided us a sense of belonging and family that we desperately needed. People in our township took up a collection and dropped it off at our house. Not one of them knew us but they gave anyway. I received many phone calls, knocks on the door, and packages in the mail. We truly felt loved.
But greater than all these things is what God did to me on the inside. I had an overwhelming sense of peace come over me that can only be described as from God. Several weeks after Kari’s death my counselor told me that I had excellent coping skills but I knew it was greater than me. I went on to be fully healed from the trauma and loss in around five months. I went from having a broken heart and a messed up mind to being full of hope and joy in less than six months. In many ways my joy was greater and my heart was stronger than ever before. It was truly a miracle.
God also changed who I was. Many times in the Bible God says to not love this world. I didn’t understand these words before, but in an instant, my eyes had been opened. My viewpoint on this life changed. I look back on those dark days in my life with gratitude. As hard as they were to go through, it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
The experts say we can only see our life through our own perspective but 1 Corinthians 6:17 says, “But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” When we draw near to God we are filled with His spirit. When we are filled with His spirit our eyes are opened so we can see things we were blind to before.
This world, this life and all it has to offer only serves as a distraction. God stands patiently waiting for us to choose Him but far too often we choose the things in this world. What brings you joy? What do you look forward to? What do you get excited about? What do you love to do? Jesus wants you to shine brightly with Him when He returns but we have to choose it. We have to want it more than anything else. We must put God above everything else in our life.
I am not perfect. I still stumble. But I live with hope. I live for the day that Jesus comes back again. In an instant I will be made perfect…I will be made like Him. What an amazing promise we have been given. Seek Him and you will find Him. Knock and the door will be opened.