Days after the death of my first wife Kari, I felt I wanted to die. I still remember standing on that country road with the rain pouring down on me as I looked into the heavens above. “God please take me from here.” My tears mixed with the rain as I asked God over and over again to take me out of the world. All my dreams had Kari written into them. At that time in my life, living without her was a life without hope and dreams and a life without hopes and dreams was not worth living to me. As hard as that summer was, God did not intended for that to be the death of me. He intended it to give me life.
I struggled with why God allowed me to live for several weeks after her accident. I felt Kari was the better person, the better parent, and the better Christian. I asked God over and over again why she died and not me? Why was I still here? As I walked through the grief valley it became perfectly clear why I was still alive. God was not done with me yet. He had an assignment for me.
God is always watching. His angels are always standing by. Despite some close calls I have never been in a serious accident. I could have very easily died in 2006 just a few weeks before Kari did. When we bought our property in 2006 we also made a deal with the owner for his farm tractor. He told us the brakes were not good when we bought it but I drove it into the woods anyway. I was coming down a steep hill mowing the trails in the woods when the brakes began to fail. The tractor was approaching a very large drop off and my stomach felt like it was dangling in my feet. But somehow, someway the tractor suddenly stopped at the exact moment it had to. A few more feet and, well….
Last summer I was driving down the interstate in the rain when my tires hit a giant puddle of water in the road and my car began to hydroplane. While my car was sliding I noticed another car that had left the road directly in the path of my out of control car. The seconds seemed like minutes as I watched a man outside of his car standing right next to the road. I prayed over and over again, “God please help me! God please help me!” Just feet before sure death for him and possibly for me, my car stopped sliding and turned away from the accident like it was pushed by a hand.
Last winter I was driving into work during a snowstorm. The road was completely covered and the three lanes of traffic had been reduced to one slow moving bobsled track. Just ahead of me I noticed a car that had recently slid off the road. No sooner than I saw the wrecked car with its flashers on, my car began to slide directly toward its location. I cried out to God as my car slid and just like what had happened in the rain, my car suddenly changed directions just feet before impact.
A week before Christmas we celebrated the holiday with family several miles from our house. I was going to be late because I had to stay in town to pick up my son from basketball practice so my wife and I drove separately to the party. After the party we were driving home when freezing rain began to come down. It didn’t take long before the roads became extremely hazardous. My wife was ahead of me when I noticed her car was slowing down as it climbed a large hill. Knowing I couldn’t stop on the ice covered hill and restart; I began to go around her. By the time my car was even with hers, my tires began to spin. Her car stopped but I stayed on the gas enough to get 50 feet or so in front of her but then I could go no further and I stopped.
As I nervously assessed the situation I noticed my wife’s car was close to a large drop off. If she was to slide a few feet off the road she and our kids she was hauling would be in big trouble. As for myself, I was now in the wrong lane almost at the crest of a large icy hill. I had to do something quick. I tried to turn the car around but my car began to slide right for my wife’s car. I felt extremely helpless as we braced for impact. But like something out of a movie, my car switched directions feet before impact. Just as surreal we both managed to get down that large ice covered hill, sliding all the while, without any incident.
I don’t know for how long but today I live on. My assignment must not yet be complete. If you are alive today God has a plan and a reason for it. If you die tomorrow God has a plan a reason for it. If my wife Kari would have died a slow death from sickness she might have asked the questions, “Why God? Why now? Why me?” If she had asked me those same questions I wouldn’t have had the answers. I probably would have been asking the same ones myself. While I can’t completely answer those questions even now, I am able to see how God turned something so painful and sad, into something so very beautiful.
I struggled with why God allowed me to live for several weeks after her accident. I felt Kari was the better person, the better parent, and the better Christian. I asked God over and over again why she died and not me? Why was I still here? As I walked through the grief valley it became perfectly clear why I was still alive. God was not done with me yet. He had an assignment for me.
God is always watching. His angels are always standing by. Despite some close calls I have never been in a serious accident. I could have very easily died in 2006 just a few weeks before Kari did. When we bought our property in 2006 we also made a deal with the owner for his farm tractor. He told us the brakes were not good when we bought it but I drove it into the woods anyway. I was coming down a steep hill mowing the trails in the woods when the brakes began to fail. The tractor was approaching a very large drop off and my stomach felt like it was dangling in my feet. But somehow, someway the tractor suddenly stopped at the exact moment it had to. A few more feet and, well….
Last summer I was driving down the interstate in the rain when my tires hit a giant puddle of water in the road and my car began to hydroplane. While my car was sliding I noticed another car that had left the road directly in the path of my out of control car. The seconds seemed like minutes as I watched a man outside of his car standing right next to the road. I prayed over and over again, “God please help me! God please help me!” Just feet before sure death for him and possibly for me, my car stopped sliding and turned away from the accident like it was pushed by a hand.
Last winter I was driving into work during a snowstorm. The road was completely covered and the three lanes of traffic had been reduced to one slow moving bobsled track. Just ahead of me I noticed a car that had recently slid off the road. No sooner than I saw the wrecked car with its flashers on, my car began to slide directly toward its location. I cried out to God as my car slid and just like what had happened in the rain, my car suddenly changed directions just feet before impact.
A week before Christmas we celebrated the holiday with family several miles from our house. I was going to be late because I had to stay in town to pick up my son from basketball practice so my wife and I drove separately to the party. After the party we were driving home when freezing rain began to come down. It didn’t take long before the roads became extremely hazardous. My wife was ahead of me when I noticed her car was slowing down as it climbed a large hill. Knowing I couldn’t stop on the ice covered hill and restart; I began to go around her. By the time my car was even with hers, my tires began to spin. Her car stopped but I stayed on the gas enough to get 50 feet or so in front of her but then I could go no further and I stopped.
As I nervously assessed the situation I noticed my wife’s car was close to a large drop off. If she was to slide a few feet off the road she and our kids she was hauling would be in big trouble. As for myself, I was now in the wrong lane almost at the crest of a large icy hill. I had to do something quick. I tried to turn the car around but my car began to slide right for my wife’s car. I felt extremely helpless as we braced for impact. But like something out of a movie, my car switched directions feet before impact. Just as surreal we both managed to get down that large ice covered hill, sliding all the while, without any incident.
I don’t know for how long but today I live on. My assignment must not yet be complete. If you are alive today God has a plan and a reason for it. If you die tomorrow God has a plan a reason for it. If my wife Kari would have died a slow death from sickness she might have asked the questions, “Why God? Why now? Why me?” If she had asked me those same questions I wouldn’t have had the answers. I probably would have been asking the same ones myself. While I can’t completely answer those questions even now, I am able to see how God turned something so painful and sad, into something so very beautiful.
A DIAMOND IS MADE THROUGH INTENSE HEAT AND PRESSURE. WITHOUT THE INTENSE STRESS PUT ON IT, IT WOULD NEVER SHINE WITH A SPECTACULAR BRILLIANCE .
I know Kari prayed a lot for me to change. Not that I was a bad person but she knew I hadn’t completely given my heart to God. God answered her prayers, but it was probably not in a way most would expect a loving God to answer. Had I not experienced the heartache and pain of losing her, I am not sure I would have ever changed. To be honest, I feel her death gave me life. And as I think about the sacrifice she unknowingly made to give me that life I know with all my heart she would have chosen that fate if given the choice because her heart had been transformed by Jesus. She had already given her life away.
Our God given instincts tell us to run from pain but its pain that causes us change. When I called out to God through the rain in the days following Kari’s death, I desperately wanted to escape the pain I was feeling. I was very, very uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact that I wanted to physically die. I didn’t realize at the time but spiritually, I did die. The old me died when I found Kari unconscious.
If you are being tested right now God has His reasons. If you are struggling right now you are not alone. If you don’t understand why God is allowing you to feel intense heartache and pain I have been where you are. Behind the scenes, most likely beyond our understanding, God is working in your life. You may feel intense pain or you may have an incurable sickness, but beautiful flowers will follow the rain. You are a beautiful person and if God can make such beauty from non-living dust, imagine the beautiful everlasting impact He will make through your life.
Romans 8:18 “The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Our God given instincts tell us to run from pain but its pain that causes us change. When I called out to God through the rain in the days following Kari’s death, I desperately wanted to escape the pain I was feeling. I was very, very uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact that I wanted to physically die. I didn’t realize at the time but spiritually, I did die. The old me died when I found Kari unconscious.
If you are being tested right now God has His reasons. If you are struggling right now you are not alone. If you don’t understand why God is allowing you to feel intense heartache and pain I have been where you are. Behind the scenes, most likely beyond our understanding, God is working in your life. You may feel intense pain or you may have an incurable sickness, but beautiful flowers will follow the rain. You are a beautiful person and if God can make such beauty from non-living dust, imagine the beautiful everlasting impact He will make through your life.
Romans 8:18 “The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
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