When I look back at my life over the past several years and all the mistakes that I have made I find it unfathomable that God never deserted me. The mercy that has been given makes it hard for me to stand when I pray. Why did He not leave me when I was stuck in Porn? Why did He not give up when I was playing with demons? Why was He still waiting when I was into sorcery (Charismatic healing movement)? Why did He come back to me after I believed in the hyper grace false teaching? Through all my ignorance, arrogance, selfishness, and rebellion, God never gave up.
As I mentioned in a previous blog, about four months ago God sent me a demon to wake me up and wake me up he did. Shortly thereafter God had me run across a guy named Michael Chriswell on YouTube. Michael’s powerful testimony convicted me to the core. I realized my life was not living up to the standards Jesus Christ taught and there were things in my life I was still holding onto. There was one sin in particular that held me captive and I didn’t want to let it go. I even denied for the longest time that it was a sin. Most would probably say it’s not but God had convicted me long ago. By the power of God, I laid that sin down at His feet and walked away from it. Today there is not a habitual sin in my life that I am aware of. I have no bitterness, no unforgiveness, and no resentment. I am free and because of that, I am able to give Him the worship that He wants and deserves.
Now that I am free, I can fully do the will of God. I am able to live the John 7:17 life and I experience God on a personal level everyday instead of occasionally. What does that experience look like? Outside of just pure joy and peace, I hear God speaking often. Daily I will hear a message from Michael or read a scripture and then later I will be providentially taken to the same verse to confirm that God wanted me to hear it. Often the second time I see a verse God gives me a deeper meaning or understanding. Other times a particular verse will jump off of the page so much it becomes part of me like God spoke it to me personally. God has become more real to me than life itself. The world seems like a boring movie playing in the background if you will.
What does God want from us? Obedience. What does God expect from us? Obedience. Obedience is so important to God that His word says we will never receive the Holy Spirit without it (Acts 5:32, John 14:23) and that we will never enter heaven (Luke 6:49, Revelation 2:26). Ephesians 5:6 “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.” Obedience is not following a bunch of rules it’s a free giving of your will. True obedience is submission, reverence, and fear of God. When we properly fear God, something that many churches don’t teach anymore, we come to God as a trembling child that pleads for mercy. This type of approach to God is not optional, it is required. We must approach God knowing we are destined for destruction without His mercy. Just the thought should move us to tears.
It doesn’t matter what you have done in the past. You are never too damaged or too far gone. God takes great pleasure in using the broken and the forgotten. God does not have favorites. I am certainly nothing. I have been a fool for so many years of my life it boggles my mind that I am where I am. I am not strong. I am actually very weak. I am not super smart. As a matter of fact, psychologically I am quite dumb. When I hear human wisdom trying to figure out something only God can fix, my brain shuts down and I can’t apply human reasoning. It’s odd yet beautiful at the same time.
God gives us as much of Himself as we give up of ourselves. When the Holy Spirit comes to live in us there are two spirits occupying the same space. If we are living for ourselves then our sinful nature will be in control and we will desire things and pleasure. If we drop to our knees and allow God’s Spirit to take control, we will hear God communicating to us in spine tingling, joy filled, unbelievable ways and our only true desire will be pleasing Him.
We want whatever we chase after. If we want more of the world, we will watch more movies, work more hours, and spend hours making things in our life beautiful on the outside. If we want more of God, we will spend hours chasing after Him so He can make us more beautiful on the inside. Exterior beauty will fade. Interior beauty will stand forever.
May The Lord Jesus Christ give you the desire and power to fully submit to Him!
Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Job 22:21-23 “Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you.
Accept instruction from his mouth and lay up his words in your heart.
If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored: If you remove wickedness far from your tent.”